All Tied Up

I have decided that being I have a live journal, Myspace, friendster etc etc etc..all my public posts are just going to be copied and pasted to all lists, it will be quicker that way…and I’ll feel like I’m keeping up with everything, everyone, everywhere..at least for now:)

Their have been quite a few family developments as of late. 

Boodle News First!

Owen is currently walking, running, clapping, hopping, dancing, and throwing the best fits of any 18 month old I ever knew…quite healthy , quite vibrant, and quite a handful..  he just recently said cracker (Kah-ker), and grandma (ggaamaaaah) and tries real hard to say cookie(’k k k) and chicken (ch ch ch)..hes changing more and more everyday…I can’t believe how much he’s grown..he is 18 mos, 2 wks, 28.5 lbs and 33.5" tall…  he loves to walk up and down the steps..pat the dog, chase the dog and throw the dogs toy so he runs after it..they are best pals… I love him so much… he’s the best thing ever.

external Family shit:

The family, has been going through some changes  as Juliet’s brother is "disgusted" by our lifestyle and is afraid we might"infect" his son..with our immoral values and unmarried!!!! status..after all" there is only one legitimate grandchild" ( in reference to his own son)….the story is long and complicated..but thats what it comes down too…he cut everyone off…his mother and step dad even his 80+ yr old grandmother..from seeing his son( 9 months older then Owen) …as they support us to the best of their ability.   

The hurt this fracture caused was really hard to watch..Juliet s mom was always in knots..Juliet could barely speak about her brother without getting angry and great grandma..well…I’ve never seen her weep in all the time I’ve known her…Juliet either…and she wept over this…

I prayed and prayed and prayed that things would be healed… and it has begun, finally…phone calls have been made..a card was even sent with a recent picture of Lil Nathan…to great grandma……for that I am very grateful…but at what cost I wonder…

Juliet’s brother does not want to see any of us( Juliet, Owen or I) …I don’t know why exactly that hurts me but it sure as hell does…It’s not Owen fault that his parental Units are Queer…there should be no fault assigned to any kind of parentage…I fear that he will only come with his son to holidays/family gatherings/events  if we are not there…that we will have to leave from places if he is coming …like something dirty or wrong…  that Owen is going to one day wonder why his Uncle/Aunt dislike him so much and why he can never see his cousin…

even writing this makes me feel physically ill. 

Ya know…I spent my ENTIRE life being a bastard…in a heterosexual household..jokes were made about it in front of me in regards to my legitimacy…’ the illegitimate, that whores daughter……I was introduced as HER daughter( that bastard, bitch so on and so forth) …and hearing my brothers untrod as  MY sons…I can not even begin to scratch at the surface of how profoundly this effected me…knowing that I was somehow…wrong…that my mother was dirty( via the jokes) that I didn’t fit and that I didn’t belong…

I didn’t want that for Owen…I want to protect him from the people like Juliet’s brother in the world..those that dont/won’t understand..and it’s in my house..how can I keep him from it?… it only takes hearing that kind of hatefulness once…just once

In  a lot of ways Owen is so lucky..he has sooo many people that love him…and care for him, and he has not one, but two parents and a DaddyTony! (can’t beat a daddy Tony *smile* )  he has three sets of grandparents..godparents ..all that love him to pieces…not to mention many many self elected grandmas/pas and aunts and uncles… and the like

… so maybe I’m worrying about something that will never really effect him…maybe we will all provide so much love that it wont matter what one or two family members think… maybe

More Family:

My brother Thomas is coming this week..he will finally meet Owen, I’m really excited about that…he has his issues with us..but he is trying and really that is all I can ask..I won’t say that it doesn’t irritate me that we are not just accepted..but I know that, unfortunately, the world does not work that way…

The holidays were  really wonderful…Owen got so much stuff we might need to build an addition…(joking..kinda))..he didn’t quite get the thrill of unwrapping the  gifts..but he loves the heck out of each and everything he received…blocks and games…and toys…all those things that go *beep* *bop* *boop* in the middle of the night and scare me half to death when I’m running for my middle of the night potty break.. hehehe

The house:

The house is finally getting manageable…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY! and I have a craft closet…YAYAYAYAYA *jumps up and down*  I did a pastel drawing yesterday in the middle of the dinning room…( which use to be wall to wall containers and boxes)   we have finally gotten everyones ( clothes that were left here and ours) down to a few loads…very very exciting…

The Job:

I’m going to another DEBI (Diffusion of Effective behavioral Interventions) training in Jan..Community Promise(targets at risk youth) … in the very near future no monies will be given by the CDC to agencies not running a DEBI (HIV/AIDS programs)  that will be five I’ve been to now.  I really like the training cos I am always able to bring something back with me…that I can apply to things I’m already doing..

the other DEBI’S I went to are …SISTA ( Targets older AA women) , VOICES ( targets older IDU AA, Latino/a) ,

Healthy Relationships (targets HIV+ Indivisuals-deals with issues of disclosure of status)< did a pilot of this..it was a great program..can’t wait to do it again

…and Street Smart( targeted to at risk young adults) which I’ll be starting with my boss Next week…I’m looking forward to trying this one out..its highly interactive and I think it will be a lot of fun.

…

right now:

I was just advised to go and look at the moon..it is huge and white with an odd ring around it..so go and look I shall…( as I am helping ms J take out the garbage …of course:)  )